Obviously today’s post is not all about traveling to the beach, I just wanted to give you an idea of planning, disappointment, and regrouping that you could relate to before I tell you what is really on my mind….
Today I had a meeting at Jaxon’s school. I try to keep in touch with his teacher as much as possible throughout each quarter so I know how he is doing/progressing, etc. Last Friday we talked about a few issues that Jaxon has been having (here I am thinking everything is great and wonderful…and it’s not). We decided we needed to hold a more “formal”meeting which included the school psychologist, the ESE specialist, the teacher, and myself (this took place today). Through the meeting I could feel myself relating back to the story above…pulling away from the house, realizing I forgot something, blaming everyone, blaming myself, and then pulling at strings to determine what to do next. Raising a child with high functioning autism is not something I ever imagined I would be doing, but now that I am doing it I want to do it right…is there such a thing?
It would appear that Jaxon is struggling more than I could have imagined. The good news is that he has the ability to learn from the same curriculum that his peers are learning from, and yes, he is able to function in a mainstream classroom however, he is struggling, and in some instances he is barely hanging on with a thread. As the year has progressed, so have the standards and expectations. So what am I to do? Well, today I agreed to let the school psychologist do some testing and evaluating so we will know exactly where we stand with his cognition level and such. I am terrified of what we may find out, but I am optimistic that maybe Jaxon will surprise everyone and do well on this evaluation. Whatever the outcome might be, at least we will be able to set forth a plan and move in a direction that will benefit Jaxon and his educational needs.
I will admit that when I got up today and prepared to go to this meeting I had no idea what would be presented to me. During the meeting I had a wide range of emotions running all throughout my mind, yet I kept thinking about this memory I have …this little boy, barely 3 years old, unable to talk, unable to communicate his needs and wants, so desperately wanting someone to understand what he was feeling. I remember how I told him every day that I would always be there for him, and that I would never give up on him.
So today, even though I wanted to just walk away and not deal with what I know is going to be yet another long journey full of bumps and bruises, I focused my mind on that little boy and those promises I made to him a few years ago!